


The Hill Sessions

by Inconjunct



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: And provides an early precursor to the Butterfly Effect, Character Study, Gen, Pretty much: this explores each character's reaction to the prank, The prank probably changed how they feel about themselves and one another, Which in turn changes how they act with each other when they are invited back onto the mountain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-27 17:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5056900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inconjunct/pseuds/Inconjunct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Hannah's friends pull a prank that goes horribly awry, Josh's parents request that Doctor Hill meet with everyone who was up at the lodge that night under the auspices of getting to know them so he can better help Josh cope with the trauma of losing his siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Instigator

_Thin white woman in late adolescence, casually dressed. Oriented, alert, full range of affec_ —

  
“What are you writing?”

  
Ah, we’d begun. “Just some preliminary notes.”

  
She crossed her arms. “Already figured out I’m crazy?”

  
Defensive posture, insecurity. Most likely explanation was she felt out of step in some way compared to the rest of her peer group, but could be something deeper. I smiled. “Nothing of the sort, I assure you. Do you know the purpose of this session?”

  
She bit her lip. “I think so. Josh said that you wanted to get to know us a little better. He said that maybe it would help you help him.”

  
“So you agreed to come to help your friend?”

  
She nodded. “Of course! After everything that happened, it seemed like the least I could do.”

  
“And what happened, Jessica?”

 

She cocked her head. “Don’t you already know?”

 

“I know what Josh told me,” I said gently. “I’m asking you what happened to hear your perspective.”

 

“Oh, well I don’t know why you’d ask me,” she dissembled, as if I wasn’t aware of her role in what transpired up in the Washington Lodge a few months earlier. “There are better people to talk about it with.”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“Well, I don’t know.” She paused, chewing on her lip, “I guess I’m just not usually the person people ask about stuff like this.”

 

That was interesting. It indicated a clique mentality, and that I wasn’t talking to the leader right now. “Who is?”

 

“Em.”

 

“This would be Emily?”

 

She nodded. “My best friend, yeah.”

 

“Why do you think people would normally go to Emily with questions like this?”

  
She shook her head. “You’ve never been a teenage girl, Doctor Hill. When two girls are friends there’s always the pretty one and the smart one. Em’s the smart one, so she answers the tough questions,” she grinned. “I’m just here to look good.”

  
While mapping out the precise anatomy of her insecurities was interesting, it was time to redirect. “Even so, I’d really like to hear about that night from your perspective.”

  
The patterned carpet was suddenly very interesting to Jessica. She brushed a fingertip across her nails one, two, three times. “I don’t like to think about that night.”

  
The show of vulnerability so soon was surprising. “I apologize for bringing it up. If it’s too difficult—”

  
Her eyes met mine. A direct challenge and she was right back to her confident persona. “I didn’t say that! If you think it’ll help Josh, I’ll do whatever I need to do.”

  
I inclined my head slightly, and waited for her to elaborate.

  
“I didn’t think things would happen like they did. I just wanted to send Hannah a message, you know? Hands off my main girl’s man.”

  
“This would be Michael?”

  
She nodded. “I liked — like — whichever. I didn’t hate Hannah. Or Beth! I just thought Hannah’s crush was over the line. I mean, we’ve all had thoughts about people who are in relationships, but making them known like that is a major breach of trust.”

  
Interesting that she universalized the experience of carrying a torch for someone unavailable. “Makes sense.”

  
“So I came up with the prank. I didn’t think she’d take it the way she did.”

  
“How did you think she’d take it?”

  
“I just wanted to tell her to knock it the fuck— oh man, am I allowed to swear in here?”

  
I smiled. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise. Please continue what you were saying.”

  
“Right. I just wanted to teach her a lesson, I guess. Like, hands off what doesn’t belong to you. Because even if you want to touch,” she looked away, “well, you shouldn’t.”

  
It seems like the crux of this particular issue is who Jessica may want to be touching. “What happened after that fateful night?”

  
“Well, my parents let me stay up for a few extra days to help look for Hannah and Beth. The storms were so bad, and I’m a SoCal girl, so I don’t know that I was actually any help. My parents wanted me back here so that they could keep an eye on me, I think.”

  
I nodded for her to go on.

  
“I think they think I’m a troublemaker.” She laughed, but there wasn’t much humor in it.

  
“Why do you think that?”

  
“They’re kind of strict, you know? They’re always on me about my grades. My dad always says that I need to take school and homework and stuff more seriously.”

  
“And what do you think of that?”

  
“I think it’s crap. I don’t see the point in taking it seriously. I’m not good at it.” There was a surprising lack of bitterness in that statement. This seemed to be the truth as she saw it. “Anyhow, shouldn’t we be talking about Josh?”

  
“What about him?”

  
“I don’t know, you’re the expert.”

  
I smiled wryly. Insomuch as anyone could be an expert on someone else’s psyche, that was probably more true than she realized. “Very well, what do you think about Joshua?”

  
“Recently, or in general?”

  
“Your choice, Jessica.”

  
“Well, I’m worried about him. His sisters are dea— missing.” Interesting correction, there. “That seems like it would be really hard on anyone, you know? I know I’m not his closest friend or anything, but I care about him.” Her voice broke a little bit. “I just hope he’ll get through this. And I hope he knows that I’m here for him, if I can help.”

  
I nod. “I’m sure he does.” I hope he does, anyhow. “Thanks for being willing to come in for this little chat, Jessica. Could you send in the next person, please?”

  
She took a moment to collect herself. The sadness vanished under the perky facade that she seemed to prefer the world to see. “Sure! Who do you want?”

  
“Matthew, if you don’t mind.”

  
“Matt? Sure. I don’t know what you’ll get out of him, though.”

  
She was closing the door to my office before I could ask her what she meant by that.


	2. The Patsy

_Athletic African-American male in late adolescence, casually dressed. Presenting as withdrawn with restricted affect._

  
“Are you going to write stuff all day or are we going to talk?” Arms crossed.

  
“No reason that we can’t do both, Matthew,” I smile at him. He doesn’t smile back, but his body language does open up a bit.

  
“Okay. What do you want to know?”

  
“We’re here to talk about you,” I say, which is mostly true.

  
“Josh’s parents said that this was to help Josh.”

  
“That's true, but this is the easiest way to do that.”

  
“I don’t get it,” arms crossed again. Matthew, in contrast to Jessica, did not seem to enjoy the experience of not understanding what was going on.

  
“If I learn a little about you, it will help me understand more about Joshua’s world. You know, with the disappearance of his sisters, his friends are going to take on an increased importance in his life.”

  
“Huh. I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

  
“How well do you feel you know Josh, Matt?”

  
“Alright, I guess. I mean, not well.”

  
“He’s a few years older than you, correct?”

  
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m in the same year as his sisters were, so I knew them better than I knew him.”

  
Interesting use of the past tense instead of Jessica’s insistence that they may still be alive. “What happened up at the Washington Lodge, Matthew?”

  
“We played a prank.” He rubbed his neck with his hand. “It didn’t end well. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

  
“How come?”

  
He glared at me. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

  
“Matthew, I’m not accusing you of anything.”

  
“The hell you aren’t. It’s amazing to me that I’m not going down for murder right now. I’m lucky. Lucky that there were witnesses, lucky that Jess fessed up to the prank, lucky that I wasn’t separated from the rest of my friends when Hannah and Beth, you know.” He spread his hands. “Disappeared, I guess.”

  
“You feel responsible for their deaths?”

  
“No! But I feel like everyone is trying to make me responsible. I’m a normal kid, okay? I wanted to focus on football and not failing history this year. I didn’t ask for any of this to happen, and I didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. I liked them, and I’d do anything to get them back.” He was fuming.

  
Clearly, I’d hit a nerve. “Matthew, I apologize.”

  
“For what?”

  
“For making you feel like I’m trying to implicate you in any way. That wasn’t my intention. I’m just here to talk about Josh and to make sure you’re doing okay.”

  
“I videotaped the last time anyone ever saw Hannah Washington. The last time she saw me, she was pissed at me because I’d betrayed her trust. The last time I saw Beth, I stood there like an idiot and didn't help while she went to look for the person who I'd hurt. I’m okay, but I’m not okay with that.”

  
“That's understandable. To shift topics a bit, I understand that your role in the prank was to hold the camera, correct? How did that end up happening?”

  
“I don’t know. Ashley was going to do it, but she chickened out. So Emily asked me to do it.” Something flickered across his face, too fast for me to discern.

  
“Most of the participants in this prank seem to be female.”

  
He shrugged. “Most of my friends my whole life have been girls.”

  
“Why do you think that is?”

  
“Dunno. They’re better at being friends than guys are, is all.”

  
There was more to talk about there, but probing would likely just make him defensive. Perhaps if I just waited....

  
“I don’t hate being friends with guys, or anything. I just think girls are easier to talk to.”

  
I nodded. “I think many men would agree with you. You know, if people have a gender preference for a therapist, they usually prefer to talk to a woman? Doesn’t matter what gender they are.”

  
“Huh. That’s interesting.” It seemed to relax him a little to know that he wasn’t alone. “After Hannah and Beth disappeared into that storm, the cops came to talk to us about what happened.”

  
“How was that?”

  
“Honestly? It was the scariest night of my life. My parents have told me horror stories about cops, and —” He trailed off. “They talked to me longer than anyone.”

  
“They did?”

  
“Yeah. They said that since I was holding the camera, they thought I was the real mastermind behind the whole thing, and that I’d just tricked Jess into taking the fall for it. Which is bullshit. I don’t trick people, Dr. Hill.” He made eye contact for the first time during our whole session. “I’m an honest guy.”

  
He was certainly an earnest guy. “What did they ask you about?”

  
“They kept asking me about where I thought they’d gone, which… how should I know? I’m a city boy at heart, honestly. I only went to the Lodge because Sam invited me.”

  
“Samantha invited you?” That was interesting. Perhaps Matthew played more of an ancillary role in their clique than I’d realized.

  
“Well, she asked Josh first, but yeah. She said she wanted more guys to bring along, to even it out a little bit. Then Jess got really excited that I’d gotten an invite to the Washington Lodge party and told me I should join her in pulling this prank, and I said yes. I thought it sounded like fun. That probably sounds stupid now.”

  
“You couldn’t have known what would happen, Matthew.”

  
“I don’t know, looking back on it, I don’t know what I thought was going to happen.”

  
“What do you mean by that?”

  
“Well, let’s say Hannah hadn’t run out of the lodge. She still would have been really upset and pissed off about how we’d treated her, and probably would have spent the rest of the weekend crying or being mad at us. Hannah… when she got mad, she’d just sulk, total silent treatment. I’m sure she would have still talked to Beth, Sam, and Josh, but I don’t know about the rest of us.”

  
Josh had said that Chris was blameless, too. Interesting that Matt omitted him from the list.  

  
“So best case scenario, we took a fun weekend and made it a really tense weekend for no real reason. I just don’t know what we were thinking.”

  
“It’s not uncommon to do things in haste and then regret them.”

  
“Yeah, I guess so. Maybe next time I’m in a stressful situation and I don’t know what to do, the right thing to do is to slow down and try to think it through, instead of jumping in head first.”

  
I nodded. “You’re an insightful young man, Matthew. If you practice that skill, you’ll be able to keep your head, even in a crisis.”

  
His lips quirked. “I’d like that. Thanks, Dr. Hill.”

  
“Anytime. I’m afraid our time here is up, however. Would you mind sending in the next person?”

  
He nodded. “Who do you want to talk to?”

  
“Ashley, if she’s ready.”

  
He got up. “I guess we’ll find out.”   
  



	3. The Conscientious Objector

“Ashley’s in the bathroom, sorry. I thought I’d come in instead, if that’s okay.”

  
“Oh, that’s quite alright.” I flipped to a different page in my files. “Samantha, correct?”

  
“That’s me,” she sat down across from me wearing the polite smile of someone who didn’t want to lose their composure so soon into a session.

  
I jotted a brief note so that I’d remember to expand on it later: _Thin white female in late adolescence, casually dressed, euthymic mood, full range of affect, etc._ “So, Samantha.”

  
“Sam,” she corrected. It seemed reflexive.

  
“Sam, then. What do you think about what happened up at the Washington Lodge, that night?”

  
She stared at me. “Why would you ask me that?”

  
“I’m asking everyone that, Sam. Hearing everyone talk about it in their own words is very helpful.”

  
“I don’t see how that could be. Everyone’s pretty much going to say the same things, aren’t they?”

  
From a certain perspective, that was true. The adamant way she said it, however, hinted at something more.

  
“I hope they’re all talking about how they’re sorry,” she muttered.

  
There it was. “Do you think they aren’t sorry, Sam?”

  
She crossed her arms. “They’re my friends. I hope they’re sorry. I think they are. Except for Emily; I know she’s not sorry.”

  
“You don’t think so?”

  
“I asked her point blank and she said it was Hannah’s fault for running out into the middle of the woods.”

  
That would definitely be interesting to ask about later. “In your mind, is everyone else contrite?”

  
“I’d like to think so. I think Jessica feels bad for organizing the prank. Ashley told me she can’t stop thinking about how things could have gone differently, and Matt seems pretty shaken up, too.”

  
“What about Chris?”

  
“What about him? He was passed out drunk at the time, same as Josh. I’d actually been drinking with them, at least until they both passed out. Still, that’s why I didn’t figure out what the rest of them were up to until it was too late.” Her hands balled into fists, but she didn’t say anything more.

  
“What’s on your mind, Sam?”

  
“What’s ‘on my mind’ is that if I’d been spending a little less time drinking with my friends and a little more time making sure nobody was pulling some Mean Girls bullshit, my friends would still be alive.”

  
  
“Do you feel responsible, then?”

  
“No! Yes. Sort of. I don’t know. I just keep replaying the night in my head, trying to figure out what I could have done to make things happen differently. I don’t know that there was anything I could have done, though… I think that by the time we came up to the Lodge it was already too late.”

  
“Is there something that happened before you all went to the Washington Lodge that makes you feel that way?”

  
Sam shook her head. “Not any one thing, really. Just all of it. Hannah’s obvious crush on Mike, Emily’s insecurity about how much Mike likes her, Jess’ need to make Emily feel better. It was kind of a powder keg, in retrospect. I just didn’t think it would end up actually killing people, you know? If I had, maybe I would have tried to prevent it. I don’t know what I could have done, though.”

  
“Like you said, perhaps there isn’t anything you could have done.”

  
She sighed. “Maybe not. Is this what life is like when you grow up? Bad stuff happens and it’s nobody’s fault and there’s just nothing to be done about it? Because that’s not the kind of world I want to live in.”

  
“What kind of world do you want to live in?”

  
“One where my good friend’s sisters aren’t dead, for starters. I’m sorry, that sounded flippant. I didn’t mean it like that.” She shrugged. “You asked, though.”

  
“You consider Josh a good friend?”

  
“Absolutely! We’ve actually been talking a lot since, you know. The Lodge incident.”

  
“I see. How do you feel about that?”

  
“I’m glad I can help. I think I’m helping. I mean, I hope I am. It’s a different kind of talking than what he does with you, probably.”

  
“That’s probably true.”

  
“I think you’re a good therapist, Doctor Hill.”

  
“I’m an analyst and a psychiatrist, but thank you.”

  
“What’s the difference?”

  
“Mainly in how we go about treating patients, but I guess the particulars aren’t important at this point. I don’t want us to get off track. As a close friend, you can provide emotional support to Josh in a way that I can’t. The distance between Josh and me allows me to do my job and help him, but if all he had to talk to was me, I’m sure he’d feel quite lonely. He needs friends like you in his life more than ever.”

  
“That’s — really good to hear, actually.” She smiled, the first genuine smile I’d seen since she entered the room. “I hate feeling useless any time, but especially after something like this has happened.”

  
“Listening and being supportive is one of the most important things you can do for someone who’s going through what Josh is. Provided that you want to do that, of course.”

  
Sam nodded. “I do. Wow! Huh.”

  
“What is it?”

  
“Is this why people do this? I feel lighter, somehow. Like I can be a better friend to Josh. I think I like therapy.”

  
“I’m very glad to hear that.” I was prevented from saying more by a knock on the door. “I’m not sure who that is, Sam, but I think we’ve reached a natural stopping point for now, anyway. Unless there’s something else you want to discuss?”  
She hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. “I don’t think so. Not right now, anyway. Maybe some other time.”

  
“Well, thank you for talking to me today, then. It’s been a pleasure.”

  
“You’re welcome,” she replied, before exiting my office. I think she looked less tense than she had when she came in. It was hard to tell, however.  
 


	4. The Reluctant Participant

“Um… hi,” she waved, then sniffled.

  
“Ah. You must be Ashley,” I said.

  
“Has someone else told you about me?”

  
“Ah, no,” I said, flipping to the appropriate page, “I was just given basic physical descriptions, and you’re the only one of Josh’s friends with red hair.”

  
“Oh,” she said, twirling a bit of it around a finger. “I guess it is kind of distinctive, huh.”

  
While we exchanged pleasantries, I took notes on her general affect ( _full range_ ) mood ( _tearful, dysphoric_ ), and appearance ( _casually dressed white woman in late adolescence_ ). “Ashley, did something upset you earlier?”

  
The question didn’t seem to register.

  
“I mean, you look as though you’ve been crying. Is everything okay?”

  
“Oh, I’m okay. It’s just allergies.”

  
An unconvincing lie. I said nothing in response, just waited.

  
Her face fell. “Okay, I guess that was stupid. What could I even be allergic to in here? Nothing’s dusty or anything. I just can’t stop crying, ever since that night in the Lodge.”

  
“Why do you think that is?”

  
“I don’t know,” she blew some hair out of her face, “I just think about how Hannah and Beth are g-gone and,” her eyes welled up, “See? It’s happening again. Then I feel guilty for making it all about me, but that just makes it worse, and,” she gulped, trying to suppress a sob. “I’m sorry.”

  
Oh, dear. I opened a desk door and removed a handkerchief. “There, there. Here, this may help.” She took the proffered bit of linen and dabbed at her eyes with it before trying to hand it back. “Keep it,” given how quickly she’d started crying, she’d likely need it again. I made a mental note to bill the Washington’s for it.

  
“Thanks,” she said. “I didn’t used to be like this.”

  
“What do you mean by that, Ashley?”

  
The hand holding the handkerchief waved in a circle. “I don’t know, a mess? Hannah and Beth are my friends, but I’d be lying if I said we were super close. Jess and Sam knew them better than I did, and they’re not crying every day.”

  
“Sudden traumas are shocks to the system, Ashley. They affect everyone differently. All of your friends are dealing with what happened in their own way. In your case, the grief manifests in a more straightforward way, that’s all.”

  
“So… there isn’t anything wrong with me?”

  
“Well, if you’re still doing this a year from now, that might be a problem, but it hasn’t been that long since…” I trailed off.

  
She nodded. “Yeah. Seven and a half weeks. Or Seven weeks and three days, if you don’t count a week as half over until the fourth day.” She looked at me through a fringe of red hair. “But who’s counting, right?”

  
“Ashley, I’d like to get back to something you said earlier, if you don’t mind.”

  
She fiddled with the handkerchief, twisting a corner in on itself. “Okay.”

  
“You referenced Hannah and Beth being ‘gone’ and ‘not wanting to make it all about you.’ Do you feel like you don’t have a right to feel sad about what happened?”

  
“I don’t have a lot of friends, Doctor Hill.”

  
“I’m not sure I follow.”

  
“I’m shy, and kind of — I don’t know. Awkward, I guess? I’m off-putting.”

  
“I don’t think that’s true.”

  
She shook her head. “No, it is.” At least, this seemed to be how she saw herself. Maybe it was an outdated self-concept left over from earlier in her life. “I lucked into the friends I have now because of Hannah. We had a creative writing class together two years ago. She introduced me to Beth, who introduced me to Jessica and Emily and Matt. Once I got to know the Washingtons a little better, I met Josh, then Chris and Sam. I owe all my friends to Hannah, and I let her down. Before that, I didn’t really have anyone.”

  
“How come?”

  
“I don’t know. I’ve always been shy. I had a best friend when I was a kid but she moved away when I was in sixth grade. I didn’t get bullied too much in middle school, or anything, I just didn’t have anyone I felt that close with. I spent a lot of time reading, got interested in writing, and met Hannah in that class…” lost in her memories, her expression became composed and then fell at the mention of Hannah. “It’s my fault, you know.” This was said almost at a whisper.

  
“Why do you say that?”

  
“I could have stopped it. If I’d been braver, I would have. I should have stood up and told Jess the truth.”

  
“What was the truth?”

  
“That this was a bad idea, and mean. They’d wanted me to be more involved, you know? Holding the camera and stuff. I take good pictures, I guess, so they thought I’d be good at the camera work.”

  
“Who did?”

  
“Jess and Emily, I guess— but it didn’t matter, I couldn’t do it, so they got Matt to do it instead. I wanted to tell them that we shouldn’t do this, but,” a sob was coming on, and she took a few deep breaths trying to quell it. “I was a coward. I let them do this even though I knew it was going to hurt Hannah really bad, and that it wasn’t just a funny little joke.”

  
“If you felt that way about it, why did you participate in it?”

  
“I didn’t want my other friends to be mad at me. I was worried if I didn’t that they wouldn’t like me any more and I’d go back to being alone all the time. Stupid, right?”

  
While it wasn’t yet clear who occupied the alpha position in their social group, it was becoming clearer who felt closest to the bottom. “There’s an important distinction to draw between your intentions and the result, Ashley. While you did participate in a prank on your friend, the intention wasn’t to have her disappear into the wilderness with her twin sister.”

  
“They’re dead,” Ashley said, which surprised me. “I researched it. There’s no way they could still be alive at this point. They’re most likely dead from exposure, hypothermia, dehydration, or starvation. I just hope it was peaceful, you know? I don’t pray often, or really at all, but I prayed for that. I hope they’re at rest… but you’re right. Like, I know you’re right, logically— we didn’t mean for this to happen. That doesn’t mean that what we did was okay, though.”

  
I nodded. That was a little more nuanced of a position she’d taken than when we started our conversation, which was progress. “It seems like you feel responsible in some way for what happened.”

  
“I am responsible. We all are, a little bit. Except Josh and Sam, I guess… the only thing I can really do now is not let something like this happen again.”

  
“How do you think you could do that?”

  
“If I see something wrong, I’ll speak up, and darn the consequences. Even if it means my friends being mad at me in the short-term. Better that than going along with something that’s wrong.” She took a moment to collect herself. “Thanks for talking to me today, Dr. Hill.”

  
“You’re quite welcome, Ashley. I’m afraid that’s all we have time for, but could you please send Michael in?”

  
“Sure,” she said. As she walked out, I saw the faintest hints of a smile on her face. 


	5. The Fatalist

Michael was markedly different than everyone who had come before him. For one thing, he sauntered into my office. He didn’t seem to feel out of place, and while he was clearly tense, he had a much better poker face than everyone who had come before him. For another, he spoke first: “Why me now?”

  
“I’m not sure I follow,” I replied, absent-mindedly writing down some identifying information: _Athletic white man in late adolescence, casually dressed, euthymic, potential cluster B traits_.

  
“There’s an order to how you’re calling us. Jess and Matt are friends, then you wanted Ashley but Sam went in instead, then you got Ashley. Now me. Did Sam or Ashley say something about me?”

  
I shook my head. “Nothing of the sort. I just thought now would be a good time for us to talk.”

  
He clearly didn’t believe me, but didn’t press the point. “Alright. What should we talk about?”

  
“Well, how have things been for you in the last few months?”

  
“I mean, they’ve been okay considering.”

  
“Considering what?”

  
“Considering how things got out of hand up at Josh’s parent’s place. I mean, that’s what we’re really here to talk about, right? You’re not trying to get to know us to help Josh or whatever; that’s bull.”

  
Maybe I’d underestimated him.

  
“Total package, Doc. Looks and smarts. So how about you stop trying to manipulate me and just ask me what you’re really after so that we can both move on with our lives?”

  
Reasonably certain I could use his confidence in my agenda against him, I decided to push ahead. “How do you feel about Josh?”

  
“He’s like the brother I don’t have. Or like, a kind of distant cousin, anyhow. I like the guy but we’ve never been close.”

  
“How about Hannah?”

  
He looked away. “She was a sweet girl.”

  
I waited to see if he’d elaborate. He smiled, tight-lipped and no teeth, and didn’t say anything else.

  
“When did you first learn about Jessica’s idea for the prank?”

  
“Oh, Jess told me about it a few weeks before we went up to the lodge.”

  
“Do you know what triggered the idea?”

  
“Yeah. Hannah sent me … a love letter, I guess you could say. Like I said, she was a very sweet girl.”

  
“What happened after that? Walk me through it, if you would.”

  
“Em found out about it, and she flipped out. Accused me of cheating on her. Which by the way, Doc, I didn’t do. It kinda put me in a position where I felt like I had to do something for her to prove it to her. I was talking to Jess about the whole predicament and she decided to take matters into her own hands.”

  
“How did you feel about that?”

  
“Well, her heart was in the right place, I think. She didn’t want me and Em to be fighting, and Jess, she doesn’t take things too seriously. I don’t think she realized how hurt Hannah was going to be. If it had happened to her, she would have just laughed it off.”

  
“Were you present for Jessica talking to Emily about her plan?”

  
“I wasn’t in on the conversation, but Em texted me about it later. It was her idea to have me be the bait. She said I owed it to her, like a test of loyalty.”

  
“And how—”

  
“—did I feel about that? Uh, it’s kind of annoying but I get it. Little stuff like this really freaks Em out, but I don’t mind doing what I need to do to stay on her good side. People don’t get her, Doc. She’s a good person, really, no matter what anyone else who was in here before me might have said.”

  
That seemed sincere, at least. “I’ll keep that in mind. When you were planning the prank, what did you think was going to happen afterward?”

  
He grimaced. “I thought Em would relax and things would go back to normal.”

  
“I meant, what you thought would happen with Hannah?”

  
“I mean, I figured she’d cry it out, decide I was a jerk, and move on, you know? Maybe get a crush on Matt or Chris or someone.”

  
“So this was calculated on your part.”

  
“Yeah, I guess so. Hannah saw me as — I don’t know what she saw in me, but she was definitely crushing on something she’d dreamed up, not someone real. I didn’t think she’d run out into the cold without a jacket. I thought I should run after her, but Sam told me I’d done enough damage for the night, which was probably true.”

  
He didn’t seem particularly sorry. I repeated my observation aloud.

  
“If you park your friend’s car under a tree, you expect a bird to crap on it, not for the tree to fall over and total the car.”

  
“Hannah is the car in this analogy?”

  
He nodded. “And I’m the tree, I guess. Or maybe that mountain in the middle of nowhere is the tree. Fact is, if we’d been back home when this happened, she would have just run to a Del Taco, cried a while, and then come back. Nobody would have gotten hurt.” He examined the floor.

  
“Would it be fair to say that you wished things had turned out differently?”

  
“Doc, I’d have to be some kind of psycho not to. In my ideal world, everyone’s happy and alive and we’re all friends, holding hands and singing freaking Kumbaya. But shit happens, and sometimes it fucks up your life, and that’s alright.” He shrugged. “I’m trying not to get a complex about it, I guess.”

  
That was either very mature or very, very disturbed. Going against my earlier judgment, I decided to give Mike the benefit of the doubt and opt for the former.

  
“It’s been great chatting like this, Doc. You need anything else from me, or are you good?”

  
I was curious about one thing. “Do you think you learned anything from this?”

  
“Other than the fact that my mom wasn’t kidding when she said ‘wear a jacket’?”

  
“Other than that, yes.”

  
“I guess — there’s gotta be a better way to deal with it when someone has feelings for me that I don’t reciprocate. I’d tried letting Hannah down easy once or twice, but it didn’t seem to work, so I thought something harsher would help her get over me. Let her think I’m a jerk, whatever. But maybe I went too far in the other direction. I wish she were still alive so I could apologize, is all. Beth, too. Also, I’m not kidding about the jacket thing: it’s hella cold up there.”

  
The regret seemed sincere, if a bit shallow. Perhaps he was the kind of person who processed trauma well. Perhaps his real feelings were so compartmentalized that he couldn’t access them. Perhaps he didn’t have any at all. For my money, the first or second option seemed more likely than the third. “Thanks for coming in to talk to me today, Michael.”

  
“No problem, Doc. I’ll get Chris for you.”

  
“How did you know I would ask for Chris?”

  
“You’re going to save Emily for last, right? Make her sweat a little bit. Which you shouldn’t do, because Em cares more about her friends than almost anyone I know, but whatever.” He waved. “See ya around.” 


	6. The Pawn

Of everyone I’d seen thus far, Chris seemed the most affected. Well, perhaps second only to Ashley. He looked like he hadn’t slept for quite some time, and had the hunched in posture of someone who was depressed and internally preoccupied. When I said hello, he just nodded in acknowledgment and stared at the ground. _Slightly disheveled white male in late adolescence, withdrawn with flattened affect, dysphoric._

  
“How are you feeling, Christopher?”

  
“I’m okay,” it was barely audible, and he didn’t look up at me to say it. Not exactly convincing.

  
“Do you know what we’re here to discuss today?”

  
He nodded. “I heard Sam and Jess talking about it in the lobby. You want to know about what happened that night up in the lodge.”

  
“That’s right. Is that okay to talk about?”

  
There was a pause as he collected himself and gave a tired half-smile. “If you think it’ll help Josh, I’ll do it.”

  
“You are one of Josh’s closest friends, correct?”

  
“Yeah. At least, last time I checked. We haven’t talked much in the last two months, though.”

  
“Why is that?”

  
He looked away, and shook his head. “I’m… not good at talking about this stuff, I guess.”

  
“What stuff?”

  
“I don’t know. He lost his sisters. I’ve known those girls since I was eight years old. They meant everything to him. I don’t know what I can say or do for him right now.” That would explain the distance Josh had mentioned in our recent sessions.

  
“Aside from Josh, would it be fair to say that you knew Hannah and Beth best?”

  
He paused, thinking it over. “Maybe not best at this point. When I was over their house, I was hanging out with their older brother. It’s true that aside from Josh, I’ve known them the longest. Everyone else became friends in middle or high school.”

  
It was simultaneously easy and very difficult to imagine the tall young man in front of me as a boy. “Is it fair to say that the disappearance of Hannah and Beth Washington has impacted you correspondingly more, then?”

  
He shook his head. “I don’t know about that. Not more than Josh. And Ash, she’s been crying about it almost every day since it happened. I don’t feel like crying about it. At least, not often.”

  
“Crying is just one way to express grief, Christopher.”

  
“That makes sense.”

  
“I’d like to ask you something else, if you don’t mind.”

  
“Go ahead.”

  
“Do you feel responsible in some way for what happened that night?”

  
He leaned back and looked at me for the first time. “Why would … why would you ask me that?”

  
“Given that Josh was Hannah and Beth’s older brother and you were his friend, it may have felt like they were your surrogate sisters. If so, perhaps you may be feeling an echo of the guilt he feels.” Also, a few of his friends had implied that he were involved in the prank, but no reason to bring that up at this point.

  
“Well,” he trailed off. “It’s hard to explain.”

  
“Do your best, Christopher,” I gave him my best encouraging smile.

  
He nodded. “I didn’t know what was going to happen that night, but I knew something was. Ashley asked me to hang out with Josh, just the two of us. She asked me to ‘keep him busy,’ so we played a drinking game.”

  
I frowned. Joshua hadn’t mentioned that he’d drank that night, and given how phenylzine interacts with alcohol… “I’m assuming it would be safe to say that he became indisposed fairly quickly?”

  
Christopher nodded. “I wasn’t far behind him, to be honest. Josh has been kind of a lightweight ever since I’ve known him,” which, given his medication history, made a lot of sense, “but we played Never Have I Ever, and he got me pretty good several times,” he smiled at the memory, “it got to the point where I was saying stuff I knew we’d both done just so that we’d both drink and I’d have a fighting chance.” His expression soured. “I didn’t know what they were going to do, Doctor Hill. You have to believe me.”

  
I did, I realized, almost implicitly. I nodded at him to go on.

  
“If I’d known what they were going to do, I would have never gone along with it. I think someone knew that. They had Ashley ask me so I’d just say yes,” he colored faintly at that but soldiered on: “and they knew I’d just trust them not to cross the line. Trust that was misplaced, it turns out.”

  
“So if you’d known what they were planning to do, you would have acted differently?”

  
“Absolutely! Hannah was a fragile girl. One time we were on a school trip and Beth and Josh were in another group. She said something kinda out there and a group of girls laughed at her — she almost had a meltdown. It was all I could do to keep her from crying right then and there. She definitely needed Josh and Beth around to keep her safe.”

  
Perhaps that protective urge had cut both ways, however. Had they let her solve her own problems more, her emotional regulation may have been better and she may have handled the prank differently… although it was counterfactual to speculate on such things. I chose not to share my observation. “So your role, as it were, was to neutralize Josh. What about Sam and Beth?”

  
He shook his head. “I’m not sure. Sam had mentioned wanting to explore the mountain with Beth, you know, turn in early and take a hike as soon as it was light out. I think they were hoping that would happen to remove the two wild cards in their plan.”  
“When you say ‘they,’ who do you mean?”

  
“Jessica and Emily. This whole prank was their idea. I’m pretty sure Jess came up with it but she’s not a details person — so that’s probably where Emily came in. Sam told me that she thinks Mike was this big mastermind but I don’t buy it. Mike was just a bargaining chip, I think — this was all about Jessica fighting to defend Emily’s honor. ” He smiled wryly, “you have to admit, they make a pretty good team. All they wanted to do was humiliate Hannah and they wound up killing her.” His face fell. “I’m sorry. That isn’t funny.”

  
I shook my head “A bit of gallows humor is acceptable. It’s a coping mechanism. Christopher, do you feel you learned anything from this whole experience?”

  
“It sounds kind of dumb to say aloud, but yeah I think so. The main thing I learned is that I shouldn’t trust that just because I like someone, their intentions are good.”

  
That was an interesting moral. “What do you mean by that?”

  
“I trusted my friends not to hurt Hannah. I shouldn’t have. Maybe they didn’t mean to do what they did, but they still did it. The other thing is… it’s stupid.”

  
“Please, go on.”

  
“The next time something like this happens to one of my friends, I don’t want to be passed out drunk. I never want to let anything like this happen again.” He sighed, “stupid right? Classic white knight complex — but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

  
“That doesn’t seem stupid to me in the least, Christopher. You want the best for your friends, and you want to look out for them. It’s a noble impulse. Just make sure it doesn’t get you into trouble.”

  
“Aye aye, cap’n.”He sketched a salute, and for a moment I could see a shadow of the young man Joshua described in our sessions.

  
“Well, I’m afraid that’s all we have time for. Could you please send in Emily?”

  
He nodded. “Sure. And Doctor Hill? She’s not my favorite person right now, but she’s still my friend. Please go easy on her.”

  
I inclined my head to acknowledge his statement, but made no promise.   
  



	7. The Benefactor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some references to suicide in this chapter.

Emily was a surprise. I’d expected someone brassy and flamboyant, a teen queen who expects her court to tend to her. Instead, she seemed aloof and almost cold. She was dressed head to toe in black: black boots, black jeans, black tank top. A silver necklace with a diamond on it was the only thing that broke the monochrome effect.

  
She spoke first. “So, are you going to invite me in, or…?”

  
“Oh, of course. Please, have a seat.”

  
“Okay,” she took in her surroundings. “So what do I do in these things?”

  
I pretended to think about her question while I wrote a one line summary. _Multi-ethnic woman in late adolescence, fashionably dressed, restricted affect._ “In a typical therapeutic session, whatever you like. In this case, however, I do have some specific topics I’m hoping to discuss.”

  
“You want to hear how sorry I am, like Jess and Matt are, or how I feel like this is all my fault somehow, like Chris or Ashley.”

  
“What I want to hear isn’t really at issue here, Emily.”

  
“The hell is isn’t.”

  
“Emily, we’re here first and foremost for Joshua.”

  
Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe you. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have a group session where we could all talk to Josh about how much we care about him? This feels like the same as when the police talked to us afterward. Like me and Jess knew somehow that Hannah and Beth would disappear, never to be seen again.”

  
I didn’t rise to the bait.

  
“We didn’t, just so you know.”

  
I made a noncommittal sound in response.

  
“We didn’t!” She let out a long sigh. “No one believes me, of course, because it’s easier to see me as some evil bitch and Hannah as a poor lost little lamb. If you want to believe that, nothing I’m going to say will convince you otherwise.”

  
“I’m not attached to any particular narrative.”

  
“Yeah right. I can see the way people look at me, you know. Rumors got out about what happened. I’m the crazy girl who killed Hannah and Beth because Hannah had a crush on my boyfriend. Do you think that’s fun for me?” 

“Well, how does it make you feel?”

  
“Annoyed, mostly.”

  
“In what way?”

  
“Hannah was really into Mike. She would have done anything for him. If he mentioned he was into baseball, she’d show up the next day wearing a Dodgers jersey. She was just, I don’t know, like that.”

  
“Like what?”

  
“She really wanted to impress him, I guess. Not that I’m giving her advice on how to steal him away, but that’s not how you get a guy like Mike.”

  
“What would be the right way to go about it, then?”

  
She looked at me derisively. “You wouldn’t get it.”

  
I shrugged. “Try me.”

  
She examined her immaculate manicure. “You give him a mystery that he needs to solve. You make him feel like he never quite gets it. You keep him off balance. He’s competitive. He needs a challenge. If you just roll over and do whatever he wants, he gets bored.”

  
“Is this why you involved him in the prank?”

  
A short, sharp intake of breath, and then a sharp nod. She didn’t make eye contact afterward.

  
“What did you think when Jessica broached the idea to you?”

  
“I thought it would be good for everyone, honestly. Really!” Her voice softened since the first time she came into my office. “I know how dumb that sounds now.”

  
I admonished myself for being taken in by the cold exterior. Given what she’d mentioned about what was happening in school, it was possible she was developing it as a shield from criticism. “It doesn’t sound dumb to me, Emily. It’s certainly more likely that you thought the results would innocuous than that things would end up the way they had.”

  
“It’s… complicated. I’m not sorry, Doctor Hill. Me and Mike have talked about it. Everyone else just sighs feels guilty, which I can’t stand. We couldn’t have known what was going to happen, what she was going to do. I was actually… I was actually hoping that this would bring us closer together, in the long run.”

  
That was interesting. “How so?”

  
“As long as Hannah felt the way she did about Mike, she was never going to like me. I’m the ‘other woman.’ Beth and Josh take Hannah’s side on everything — they stick together. Chris and Sam are going to stand with Josh, because they’re more his friend than they are mine. So it just felt like this weird fight, with me, Mike, Jess, and Matt on one side, and them on the other, and them hating me more and more because of something that wasn’t my fault. I thought that if she got over Mike, she’d chill out a little bit and maybe…” She sighed. “Poor me, right?” She mocked, suddenly sardonic. “I sound pathetic.”

  
I shook my head. “I can see where you’re coming from, Emily. Please go on.”

  
“Well anyway, Hannah tried to get Mike to dump me. She sent him a letter, like… through the mail. Which by the way, who does that? Deranged. Anyway, she sent him a letter and when I saw it, I kind of… I kind of lost it a little.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

  
“What did the letter say?”

  
“It was a list of reasons Mike should break up with me.” She spoke carefully through clenched teeth, “There were a lot of them.”  

  
“Mike didn’t break up with you.”

  
“No, he didn’t. Anyway, Jess must have seen that the letter,” she paused, searching for the right words, “got under my skin, I guess you could say.” The way she said it implied this was an understatement. “So she said that she’d come up with a way for us to get even, a way for us to show Hannah that Mike wasn’t ever going to be hers. It made me feel better to hear her say that.”

  
“To hear her say what, exactly?”

  
She looked faintly embarrassed.  “That _we_ would find a way to get even, that she was on my side without even a question. That’s one of my favorite things about Jess: she knows exactly what to say to make me feel like she has my back. Matt, too. When he found out about what Hannah did, he was furious. So I guess we involved more people in the prank it… it kind of became a way for me to see who my friends were. Stupid, right?”

  
Misguided, definitely. “Human, perhaps. Not stupid.”

  
“Same difference. Anyway, I just think about what would have happened if I’d done something dumb like slash my wrist or took a bunch of pills because of the letter Hannah sent to Mike. Then everyone would be saying that she was the reason I was dead instead of the other way around. So the way I see it, we’re even.” She didn’t sound entirely convinced of her own logic. “You can tell Josh I said that.”

  
“I won’t, Emily. This is strictly confidential. It’s just to get a sense of what happened that night up at the lodge, so that I can help Joshua.”

  
“You want Josh to move on? Tell him, no, tell everyone, that they need to stop pretending Hannah was perfect. She wasn’t. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t my friend, or that I wanted her to be dead, no matter what anyone else said in here today. I just don’t think it’s healthy or whatever to ignore part of who she was.” She stood up. “I think I’m done. Can I go?”

  
I’d certainly heard enough. “I feel like that was very helpful, Emily. Thank you.”

  
She nodded at me once in lieu of a goodbye, and shut the door firmly behind her.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading The Hill Sessions! I hope you enjoyed it. The next fic I am working on is more ambitious and will likely feature references to both this one and Rings, so hopefully you will enjoy feeling clever and making connections between all three.


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